OKAY
my new lj name is 
u_n_written

yeah I don't like it but whatev.

i;ll be adding everyone, once again if you don't wanna be added just tell.
please add me back

You have to love just how listening to a song can make so many emotions come back to you. I remember hearing this song in concert with Alex and then going home and being just plain obsessed with it. Then I started liking Mike and it was like- my theme song. I'm talking about "Bending Light In New Directions" by Mashlin which some of you might know. If not I suggest downloading it, it's very good. Throughout the months I make a playlist of my favorite songs at that time. Right now I'm listening to my favorite songs from  September - November. 

I was awake half the night thinking about last year and how I can't believe it is over. It doesn't feel like it. I thought about my empty room sitting in Ithaca in the dorms. I thought about how fast the year went by and how slow it went by and all the things that happened. Out of all my years at Cascadilla that was the best and the most life changing. Yeah you think it'd be the year where I tried to kill myself, but I never grew up as much as I did throughout this year. I am going to miss that school so fucking much.

Sarah and I found an apartment, a really nice one just 2 days ago. We sign the lease on Friday and I'm very excited. Hannah will be staying with us for a month because she isn't moving for another month and she has nowhere to go I guess. Whatever I don't mind, as long as she gets to stay longer.

A part of me wants to go home to Ithaca because there is so so so much there I am ready to go back to. I am so ready to start my new life and try out all this new stuff. I have never been more excited for any time period in my life ever. I am ready to go home to my friends, I am ready to go home to Deryck, I am ready to go home to my home. Ithaca is where I want to be more then anything for the next two years and that's what I've got. But at the same time seeing the look on my friend's faces when I say I am leaving early August makes me want to stay in NJ more. I hate having two places to go to but at the same time I love it.

I tried writing last night, but I only got 2 and a half poems done. Maybe tonight. But here is one of them. Not very good.

"Diary and I"

The way I used to fill these notebooks
all the paper I would waste
How many lines I would give up on
crumple up and throw away
I can't seem to get the words out of me
From lack of emotion or just too much
Either way moments were not recorded
and diary and I lost touch
I didn't want to remember the thoughts I usually memorized
I didn't want the option of looking back someday
No conversations saved no replys scripted and rehearsed
I don't want the choice to look back at what I'd say
I don't want to know
I don't want to remember
I don't want to have memories
of the pain that lives with me forever
We are now in different places
Out on the town or in the back of a drawer
Now the thoughts ease into the vein of the pen
the blue and white lines yearning for more

Current Location: my living room
HEARING;: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Salvation

it. is. beautiful.

Friends Cut.

I'm about to post a personal entry, and a handful of people just asked to be added past few days. I have like 160+ friends. It's insane.

I'm sorry. It isn't even anything this time. I just want a closer group.